Historically, I had always thought of January 1^st (or better still 2^nd) as the perfect time to start my diet, exercise program, lifestyle change. Unfortunately, for me and countless other compulsive overeaters, January passed without the change lasting for more than a few days – after all there were all those holiday goodies to “get rid of”. February was Valentine’s Day so no point starting until the 15th or 16th and why start a new endeavor in the middle of the month? March was my escape to warmer weather, and no one goes on a diet before vacation, better to wait until I got back. And on and on it went.

After years in the program, I have learned that each day is an opportunity for a new beginning. I no longer have to wait for a particular month of the year or day of the week to have an abstinent day. I have that opportunity every morning. Then after I have the first day, I need to use the tools and steps to hang on to it and have the next ones follow suit. I know many people in OA count days. That has never worked for me. I got too defeated if I have to return to day 1 after months/years of being abstinent. I am more successful when I take each day as an opportunity to abstain.

Thinking of new beginnings, I have often been down on myself for having a number of relapses over the 40 years I have been in and out of meetings. I regret the time I have “wasted” in the food. I regret the months and years I have spent sad and ashamed in my self-imposed prison. But rather than just regretting the past, I have had to learn from my mistakes – to learn that it’s never too late for a new beginning.
I could have left program because my disease told me I had gotten too old.  I had lost my chance for happiness. Instead I got up one more time, brushed myself off and returned to the program. It was not too late for a new beginning.  It’s been over 2 years with about an 80 pound weight loss since I came back. I’m not where I’d like to be physically but it’s light years better. Removal of my character defects is a work in progress but I no longer torture myself with food thoughts at every turn. I am experiencing the joy of living in a smaller body with a calmer mind.

I recently reduced my working hours to 21/week and am reveling in the time this affords me to do the things I enjoy. I have my slips and missteps but each day is a gift I am given and I can choose to bury it in sugar or live it to the fullest. For today, I choose the later. I still struggle with getting older but have come to appreciate each day. Regardless of your age, or any other perceived barrier, believe me. Your new beginning can start today.

By Annette A.

Jealousy is a defect of my character most shameful to admit. I am jealous of my peers. A lot.

At work, I experience fear when people make more money than me.
I don’t want my friends having a better time with each other than they have with me.
I don’t want my friends dating hotter women than me.
I secretly wish I was as smooth socially as some of my friends.
I wish I was taller, handsomer, more muscular, wealthier, more popular etc.
I have a hard time feeling genuinely happy for the good fortune and success of others.
I feel negatively around others, when I think that they are superior to me in some way.

***

Here is how the cycle of jealousy works for me:

Jealousy comes from personal insecurity.  I’m jealous because I don’t feel that I am good enough.
I think my value is determined by the things/traits that I possess. The more I have, the more worthy I am as a person.
I judge how much I have by how I rank relative to others around me.
When I notice others who have the things that I don’t have my sense of self-worth is lowered.
I fear the loss of self-worth, and I resist it.
This resistance expresses itself in jealous behaviors that I exhibit.

***

This way of living isn’t working for me anymore.
As an addict, I can’t afford the luxury of harboring jealousy in my heart.
If I continue this way, I’ll be stuck with behaviors of possessiveness, and feelings of resentment, fear and hurt.
This will cause me to act out.

***

Step four has the answer for me.

The big book teaches me that negative character traits stem from selfishness.

Jealousy comes from a perspective that places me and my desires at the center of my universe.
Since I think I am more important than others, I don’t want them to have more than I do, and I’m fearful and hurt if they do.

The only action I can take is to change my perspective.

***

A perspective that serves me better is:

1. I accept that I do not control what people have. There will always be people around me who will have more than me. My intrinsic value is determined by god, and not by what I have.

2. I view myself as a conduit of service to others, and I want to carry out the will of the god that lives within my heart.
By realizing that life is no longer about me, but rather about seeing how I can contribute to the stream of life around me, I suddenly become interested in helping others.
I become more in tune with their needs, and I start seeking ways to contribute to them.

When I encounter my peers, rather than examining how I rank in comparison to them, I look to them with the question of how I can enrich their life.
They are no longer competing with my sense of self-worth.
My self-worth is determined by my higher power, and my higher power loves me unconditionally, and is always there for me.

***

When feelings of jealousy come up for me in the future, I can examine my responsibility in the situation, and take actions around it.

Here are some actions I can take:

I can pray to god to remove the fear and self-centeredness from my heart.
I can remind myself that life is not about me anymore.
I can accept my life exactly as it is right now in this moment, with all its haves and have nots, as god’s will. Nothing about it needs to be changed.
I can take the next right action, by helping others and seeing how I can be a contribution to their lives, regardless of their successes and failures.

This is a path that leads to recovery and sanity for me.

By Shaya S.

Wow! 1300 members of OA converged on the Boston Copley Marriott Hotel to participate in the above convention which ran from September 1st through the 4th.

They came from all over the US, Canada and 27 other countries. There were all kinds of workshops, a keynote opening speech and, of course, a closing speech.  There was a banquet as well as a dance party. Workshops ranged from “An Attitude of Gratitude” to “The Joy of Aging in Recovery.” All were given by experienced members of OA who spoke their truth. There was also a meditation room, a bookstore, a bulletin board, a raffle, an international fellowship lounge, as well as special focus meetings and hourly OA meetings. And let me not leave out the virtual services lounge.

You could find inspiration here, you could find reinforcement, you could find a sponsor and you might also find a ride back to wherever you came from. There was so much that it was almost overwhelming. It was hard to choose among the workshops but it worked better if I picked one and stayed. Which is exactly what I did.

There were lots of people to meet and even eat with. You could talk recovery all day and night if you so chose. Everyone was pretty laid back and quite happy to be here.

There were lots of important messages, one of which was to live in the steps. This is important as once I did the steps, I thought I was finished. But we are never finished because the disease is never gone. So we must continue to work the steps and we can do this in more than one way. You can also twelve step a problem and use the program to find out what is bothering you and how you can best deal with it so you don’t pick up.

One last great tip was to begin the day with the question, “What am I willing to do for my recovery today?” An awesome undertaking but very useful because whatever comes up, that is what we need to do that day.

Once again it was a great convention and on August  20, 2020, they will do it again in Orlando, Florida. Look for it!

By MaryAnn F

In July, we entered a new term and welcomed a new board of elected officers and trustees to the OANYC Intergroup. We want to introduce them to you by having a monthly spotlight. This month, we are featuring Mollie T., our Corresponding Secretary.

Today I turn 34 years old, but I feel as though my life only truly began when I entered OA and became abstinent two years and 8 months ago. Since then I have let go of 45 pounds (110 pounds down from my top weight) and have experienced changes in myself and my life I thought were impossible.

Through working the steps and using the tools of OA I have developed new ways of dealing with life on life’s terms. Instead of turning to food, I reach out to my HP, my sponsor and my fellows for help. Instead of a life of isolation and self-obsession, through steps 4 to 9 I have begun to heal relationships damaged by my eating disorder. I have overcome crippling social anxiety to develop new friendships. The rooms of OA have been my training ground for life, allowing me to safely take risks, overcome fears, and work on handling situations and people in healthier ways.

Whereas in the past my birthday always triggered feelings of self-recrimination, pity, regret, and hopelessness, today as I reflect on my life I can see myself and the world through God’s eyes. I am so grateful for the many blessings I’ve found in this community. I am grateful I survived years of self-harm and am alive to be on this journey of self-discovery. I am grateful for the people, places and experiences that led me to OA. I am grateful I came to OA desperate, finally willing to admit I AM powerless over food and my life was completely unmanageable.

Today it is such a relief, an amazing gift, that I can rely on a power greater than myself for guidance, unconditional love, and acceptance. I am no longer alone, lost, hopeless, frozen in fear, wishing I were dead every day of my life. Miraculously I am more happy, joyous and free than I have ever been before. I rejoice that for today I am abstinent, growing, learning, becoming more open each day to the abundance and endless possibility of a life beyond my wildest dreams.

“Thy Will, not mine be done” is my mantra, my touchstone, my guiding light through any storm that comes my way. Thank God for OA!! Thank God for each and everyone of you in the rooms: my friends, my family, my fellow travelers on this journey of recovery!!

By Mollie T.

Until I came to OA 18 months ago, I had been a raving bulimic for almost 40 years.

Although I “controlled” it, sometimes for weeks at a time, it was always there, a fear I had every morning when I woke up. Would this be another day lost to bingeing and purging?

Most people thought I was someone with a “moderate” weight problem. By throwing up about three-quarters of everything I ate, I kept my weight about 25 lb. more than it should be.

The fact that I had the eating habits of a 300 lb. person was something no one knew. At one point, I estimated that my bingeing and purging was costing me $50 a day on some days, mostly on food that ended up flushed down the toilet.

So, while I had the eating habits of a 300 lb. person, I had the cash flow problems of a classic drug addict. So much of my income was going towards “feeding my habit.” (pun intended)

In fact, I am totally comfortable with describing myself as an addict, someone with changed brain patterns who will never be normal. That works better for me than describing myself as someone with a disease. In 21^st Century America, a disease is something that we seek a pill to cure. There is no cure for my addiction, only management One Day at a Time.

I have been blessed with 18 months of flexible abstinence. My only rule is that I don’t throw up, no matter what, and I don’t eat to the point of being so full that I consider throwing up. Over those 18 months, I have lost about 12 lb., so I guess I’m doing something right.

But, at 69, I’m trying to learn what toddlers learn while they are learning to walk and talk. How much food is appropriate to eat at one meal? How do I eat slowly and carefully and actually enjoy what I’m eating? When am I actually hungry? Am I hungry when my stomach rumbles, indicating that I’m empty? I’ve learned that feeling goes away in about an hour whether I eat or not. It comes back in about 4 hours. Am I hungry when I get a “hunger headache?” That seems the time I actually must stop and take care of my body. When I have that kind of headache, I can’t concentrate on anything. However, it’s amazing to learn how little food it takes to get rid of that headache.

There is also that feeling that I just MUST eat something RIGHT NOW. That feeling can only be handled by using the Tools daily and bears no connection to physical hunger. As an agnostic continuing to search for something resembling a Higher Power, I know that only that search can keep me abstinent over the long term.

So, here I am at age 69…struggling to figure out how to eat.  Thanks OA for being there.

By Harriet F.